Searching Syndrome?

Day 1:

My wallet was missing. Its not in me to lose things. Especially my wallet. Where could it have gone!? The biggest problem is when your room is always clean and the worst feeling is when you cant find what you badly need and you know its somewhere right under you eyes!
Search continues for about 20 mins.
Tired of searching. Rest time.
After 5 mins "search" resumes.
After 10 more mins, I finally found the wallet right under my eyes!
How could i miss it! Horrible!

Day 2:
My watch was missing. Completely determined not to repeat the same nonsense which happened the previous day.
Careful scan of the room.
10 minutes up.
Suddenly I realized I had put my watch in my trouser pocket so that I dint have to search for it
And yet.................

Day 3:
Very satisfied with myself. Almost done with the day. Found everything in its place.
I guess a perfect day.
I looked at the watch. 7:45 p.m
Time for dinner.
Glasses? looked around and dint find it.
shit!
What is happening!? Some sort of a searching syndrome!?
Later, after dinner I was just wondering the limit of this syndrome if it continued for another month or so.
Just imagine I've found everything I needed throughout the day. Its probably the fag end of the day. I'm not able to fathom the fact of having a perfect day. And.......I start searching.......thinking..."how is it possible!? something must have gone missing". Not sure if this search would ever end. The imagination scares me!

The Journey Back from Home

The air was still. The smoke seemed to travel quite far. The bus had stopped for a break midway at Kamath Upachar. Its weird the way these journeys to and fro went by for the last three years. There were these moments of anxiety in the beginning with regular glances out of the window seeking familiarity of the places I was traveling past. Then more of irritation when the bus used to breakdown in the middle of the night and a sense of exhaustion when I get back home. This time, so far its not been bad. The bus on schedule.
The coffee was getting cold. But what was more weird was the transition of lifestyle in these 360 kms. Rather funny I must say when transition is almost spontaneous on either side. The Bus lights were still off. Heh..I guess the driver is taking a long loaded leak.
Immediately thoughts of how these three years have gone by to lead me to this moment in the middle of the transition. Why three years!? There is a lot i could script about the last three months itself. A job in hand, continued states of inebriation and a single room.
The bus lights turned on..So...Back to the transition/journey.
Its funny how your body warms up in a few minutes.
Rather, its funny how 84 mms reduces to 15 mms in a few minutes.
Heh...Just stub and move on!

Its Been a while...........................

mood:- Its sunset time here..I guess that should say something.
song:- Be yourself (Audioslave)

Been a month since i put up my last post.
Heh.... Just dint feel like posting. Don't know why. Lots of stuff happened. But there was this whole sense of disdain to put up a post.
Still...don't know why. Whatever.
So.......I got a job. Never imagined I would get one so fast.
Ah...yes...A little bit of fortune running my way.
But its true..isn't it..Sometimes when we fail...We blame,"Dude...luck is never my way!!" and suddenly out of blue when we enjoy success we say,"Its because i deserve it! Luck has nothing to do with this!!".
I just thought about this after i got placed and smiled. Actually...I don't know what I deserve. I always thought I was incapable of getting a Job may because I'm not used to a routine, with an idealistic hope that every next day has something new and me carrying a bag-pack looking at everything else in the world with the same "disdained mindset".
I saw the H.R person offering me the job and realized............"Huh......may be I've to get used to routines". I get out of the room wondering if this job is actually what I wanted when I meet my project manager who says," Dude...get your passport ready. You will be going off-shore in three months after you join. Europe, Australia and south east Asian countries. You'll have to do a hell lot of traveling!! Be ready for that".
And for the next five minutes after I spoke to him I did what I'm best at-------Daydreaming. But I dint regret it this time.
MY MIND----"BLANK"
It still is...................Inebriated, Isn't it??

@206 H wing

Feels great to be back.
Not able to digest the fact that I'm living in a single room!! Had waited for this for the last 3 yrs.
The view from room looks good no...?? ok...The other side of the block has a mind blowing view of MRPL.
I Don't have a cam. But Kash has one..........and he generally manages to click decent ones......yup....he clicked the above picture.
whatever.........just been a couple of days since i came here.....started off with a blast!
nice...

Half Century


Last few posts have been personal. I tried not to be, but sometimes you cant help it....Something like the first few posts. Big Deal.
I complete 50 posts with a lame one.
But I told myself I'm going to hate 16th July. Things are going to slow down.
Back to business from 17th, Tuesday. Surathkal, final block, H wing, placement parties and ruminating on mundane stuff in room 206.
Whatever Dude....................

Just a Little left..............

Been a while since i've posted..................But what to do??stuck with pretty much the same thoughts since the last post. Heh....Just realized i've been this way through out my holidays.......... 'a bundle of contradictions'. Whatever......
Last couple of days before I get to the place i'd waited for all these three years.........."Final Block-H wing"!!!
Dude...........I can't wait!!!

Ruminant

More than ten days since I got back from Mumbai.
For a second I feel things seem to be happening and the next second I feel its as stagnant as it always used to be.
For the last ten days I've been a bundle of contradictions!!

Today's July 1st................The Blog date shows June 30th still.........Whatever...
Wishing all the July GRE guys best of Luck!!
Don't screw up like I did...........

SHADOW CITY

Just spend a few minutes reading this article>>>>>>30 Minutes: Mumbai loots slums

Happened to catch this on CNN IBN........Was pretty shocked.....
Its about the slum rehabilitation scam in Dharavi-Mumbai
Can You imagine the level of corruption......The Government asking the anti corruption unit to stop investigation into this issue.
And...poor people lose out.......who work their asses off to earn wages of 50 bucks a day and with the slum mafia plays things to their advantage by selling the flats, you and i can only say its an impasse.
Finally what??
Nothing....
Nothing is ever going to improve. Corruption is the order of the day!!! How can there be a government in any state in India which has absolutely no corruption??
Dharavi has been living in this state for years now....Corrupt bureaucrats feel its not going to make any difference, "Dharavi has gone to dogs...Nothing can change it".
And what about people who believe that a change is possible???
The answer is obvious--they don't have a say....

And........for people who are not too sure of what Dharavi looks like
check this link out>>trivialmatters........A Brilliant blog i must say!!

Last day at Mumbai...........

Got to get back to blore in a while...
The best part was I traveled around mumbai like a normal localite..........mugged up all the local stations!!!
Great experience............Not my GRE exam though[:(]
YA!!Finally I got here...........




A couple of hours and I'll be back home.............and..........the usual thing....

Mumbai contd.........Vorli Beach....

A contrast to juhu's pigeons....





The Common Citizen-R.K Laxman

Khandala.....Lonawaala...






good place.....The drive to khandala was amazing..

MUMBAI..........

Had to stuff whatever happened yesterday in my bag and get on with the usual.......I guess I had no choice. But I'm very disappointed with myself for choking when it mattered.
Ditch...Lets not talk about it...
After all this is my first trip to Mumbai!



You find Millions of these!!





The Taj.............

Nariman Point


By the way.....this is a restaurant near Nariman Point...........Ho!Ho!


I'm no real Photographer and all.........Just tried my luck with the camera...

GREif.......

The eagle had to land, But it crashed!!
I screwed up.

So Fast??
Song: Echoes (Floyd)

Sigh!
Leaving to Mumbai on tuesday. The exam's on Thursday.When I Booked the date on February 10th, felt as if there was still a decade left and lots of time to prepare......heh...Cant believe there's just 5 days left and my preparation.............................ah....you know how we are generally prepared for exams......
Anyways...Exams have never overwhelmed me. I guess this will go as fine as i expect it to.
But all of us have that pinch of 'anxiety'!

Paradise City
Song of the day: Livin' on the Edge(Aerosmith) Just a couple of days left...

Rabindra sarovar




Took this picture long back in February when i went to kolkata ...Just look at the rates!!
Ate like a glutton that day!!

hmmm....

Just got my tickets for the concert. Got off planetM Brigade road and found an old woman who was really helpless.
trust me...Dont think she could walk around also.
Usually you would just give her a couple of bucks and get back to the usual thing.I guess even I would have done that if pri was not with me. And guess what..........
We actually walked half a kilometre to get a Masala dosa packed for her. ho ho!!
And then Pecos....Hadn't been there since December!!Cant believe it!!
I don't think I could have asked for something better..............a mug in hand....Jazz music around...
and wordlists.....??nah...they had vanished i guess....
'Beatific'
heh..they don't vanish so quickly, do they......(wink)
Anyways....who cares!!The weather was good,the evening was even better and............I'm going to watch "Aerosmith" live!!

Ah...here finally!!

Song:Rag doll (by who else....Dint get it??June 2nd...Palace Grounds)

Finally got my passport today. Sigh!!
Sigh again!!
oh...Whatta relief. How much drama i had to do to get this.
god..I hate Government offices!!


So...What have we got here??
Cant wait!!!
Aerosmith.......................June 2nd,Palace Grounds,Bangalore !!!
Too good it'll be!!!
Dont miss it...Trust me..Such things come once a lifetime!!

CRASH!


Oh..Its usually 'Rape Me' or 'Loser' enqueued in my playlist after most of the exams. But at the end of the day, grades have never been such an issue. Late 7-8ish grades...and we push through to next semester. Dint know 6th semester would end up being a debacle in grades also!! I just got to know few of my grades and doesn't sound very good. Called up my prof to plead for better grades and he cut my call!!Insolent bastard! So....I had to finally send him a mail.God knows if he's going to read it also!Finally say "Screw this" we'll see what happens next semester.
Engineering...Just the same old story!! Thankfully just 2 semesters to go...

STILL HANGING ON MY CUP OF TEA.....
song: Wings(partII) --Tool

Back home after exams. But the return was not very different though. Had atleast 5 bedbugs for company which became 4 i guess towards the end of the journey(I killed one dammit!).
More or less the same old thing since then. I don't know what today's date is, but i know June 14th is a thursday!(If you don't know don't think so much also!)
music and hours of 'wander' over cups of tea.
There are somethings you never realize.......
There are somethings you are made to realize......
There are somethings you completely realize but you cant do anything about it......
I'm still chasing...................
..............................................
........................chasing time.

The Song will still Remain the same........................

Song: Forever Lost (God is an Astronaut)


Just got back from I.E treat. Its 1.30 midnight and i'm supposed to submit some simulation assignment tomorrow.......oh...shit...thats today. heh. i guess thats the worst mindset we have ever had!!! we never realize the next day until we get up in the morning.
# I'm supposed to do it in the college computer centre which is definitely not open at 1.30!!
# And........I'm not feeling sleepy for a change
# no mood to do word list also!
..............................................finally I end up staring at final block joblessly!
### hope I get a room facing MRPL
Suddenly remembered what 'subbu' told me a while back...
"Dude......I hate endings....Why did 'Before Sunrise' end!!!??
Thats still a year a ahead........A long way to go.....lots to do in my final year.
Just these bloody 6th semester exams left!!!

FINALLY.........FINAL BLOCK!


I had given up hope when i picked up a lot of 390. Ah.........yes........'despondency' would be a better word to put things in place. By the last day it was only a state of indifference with "fuck this!!i'll get something.......and i guess I'm destined to live there for the next one year........'my final year'"
And.....you never know........things finally work out the they were supposed to like nothing had happened. And the sunshine did follow the rain. Actually it always does.......just that we don't trust ourselves too much when its actually raining. Final Block.......I'm coming!! Shit............. a dream come true from my first year in college!

Not Definitely the End of the Beginning!!!

Not blogged for quite sometime. Again sudden turn around of events got me home. Last month it was maiden and this month it was 'utsav'. Last year things just dint work out for me as far as music club was concerned. put all my cards down to perform in b.m.s which dint happen, thanks to dr raj kumar! This time i din't have the energy to take the initiative but it somehow worked!! i finally saw myself performing for college after 3 years!!!Finally!! you may call me a bad singer to have taken so bloody long to perform for college......actually i don't know what to call myself!!
And its shit disappointing when things don't work out on stage! Trust me....its the biggest challenge for a singer on stage when he realizes that one set of instruments are playing on a particular scale and some other instrument(most audible one) is playing on another scale. i guess there's no solution. oh...wait a second...there is a solution. A horrible performance.
Except that one song, the rest of the songs came out well and we din't win!! But you know......even after this debacle, i'll still take this performance with me for quite some time. I finally performed! never expected a fairy tale beginning but still...........i know there are many more coming my way and i still believe i'll do a good job!!


I hate this blog!!its a little too personal. But................i'm a passionate singer... and i take that privilege.

HALLOWED BE THY NAME!!!!!!!!


I had waited too long for this!
March 17th..............They were here!!!!
And I had to be there!
falling short of words to describe the concert.........Fuck!!!I had waited for too bloody long for this! A dream come true!
I'm still not able to believe............ "They were here..............And i was there"

Hail Maiden!!

WATER
-Deepa Mehta


Nominated to the academy awards......................should be good. But you always have exceptions, isn't it??thats what i asked when 'paheli' got nominated!!
This movie is not like 'Paheli'......

It has a nice story background of how widows suffer after the death of their husbands leading a detached life set during the british rule in 1930's. The story revolves around this small girl "chuyia" who becomes a widow at the age of 8 (not sure) and is sent to widow's ashram to lead a detached life. The story is about what happens to her as she starts living in the ashram. The movie has a studded starcast- "Seema Biswas, Lisa Ray, Waheeda Rehman, Lisa Ray, Kulbushan Karbhanda,Raghuvir Yadav". looks like John Abraham has put a lot of effort to ruin the movie but i think he's failed in his pursuit!
Just go and watch this movie!! its a little slow.......but its subtle and well directed!

DREAM ON!!



I set the alarm to 5.30 a.m and slept really hoping i would wake up...
Did it happen?????
Obviously not!! 5.30 became 6.00 and then 6.00 became 6.30 and finally light entered my eyes only at 7.30. What a perfectionist in the making!!
But the outcome was quite expected.A walk back to the hostel with my head below my shoulders after every session of torture in the exam hall.

There's one thing i still din't understand. Did the alarm actually ring!!!???how could i not hear!!??
I can only hope that I would actually hear it someday and its not too late.
We all need wake up calls so that we jump out of our beds to actually do what we always claim to be doing. I tell you something......We are all some kind of flawed protagonists preaching something we've always been affected with. We still take things for granted hoping something will happen without any great effort.
And then......after hours of contemplation, the alarm does ring.
It was 5.30
I was in the exam hall writing another session.
5.30 p.m!

INDEED..........A Monsoon Wedding!!


I looked at my cell
'Dad calling'
He was in Kolkata.
# Hello suddu??
## Yeah Dad.............tell me.......What happened??
# Fixed da.....Your sister's getting married!!engagement on nov 3rd and marriage on Feb 8th and 9th.......wait i'll give it to her.........
Her voice was heavy. Quite understandable. But what was it?? Excitement or Anxiety??
Ha..........I wasn't any good at this!

Huh..........That was September and February arrived before i could blink twice and say 'abra cadabra' .
Arrived home on 3rd February and saw lots and lots of packing and unpacking!!
It was good!!
Also lucky the Kaveri issue dint ruin the fun after the bandh was postponed and suddenly you realize your family has turned into a news channel after you hear of incidents which television also couldn't cover!!!!

oh.........yes! it went on well amidst all the rain!!

After half a year of blogging and 28 posts...............i'll dedicate this one to my sister who just got married!! best of luck!!
..............................................................I'll miss her.

'....And Sunshine Follows the Rain'

The world goes up and the world goes down,
And the sunshine follows the rain;
And yesterday's sneer and yesterday's frown
Can never come again.
Charles Kingsley


I remember the start of this play very well!!!
"All a magician does is an illusion but it looks like the truth,
I'll show you truth but it will only look like an illusion"
It was a memory play and the lights would remain dim.....

Synopsis:
This play is set in an Anglo-Indian family in madras. Amanda Wakefield whose husband left the family when her children were young, dreams of a good life for her children Laura and Tom. Tom working in the Railway workshops to support his family, dreams of joining the merchant navy and see the world. Laura, shy and withdrawn lives in her imaginary world of glass figurines, as her mother desperately searches for a gentleman to marry her. What happens to the family is what this play is all about!

There were many aspects in this play that was quite remarkable! one was the fragmentation of the characters! The same character played by many people and the lines of the character are distributed among them. So.......With 3 main characters we were seeing 7 people on stage! may sound a little chaotic but it was balanced brilliantly.
The play is subtle and maintained a very steady pace. And its amazingly spaced out! At no point of time will the viewer feel the play is getting draggy. And the music is perfectly matched to the mood of the play! Its not everyday that you see music merging so nicely with the script!

And finally its the title......I loved it! oh..ya..it was a give away before anyone could see the play itself but still...... some of the lines during the course of the play......where Jim o' connor (A High profile character in school who doesn't turn out to be that successful.Tom's classmate in school and laura once liked him. Amanda desperately tries to let Laura married to him) talks about the relation and comparison of being "disappointed and discouraged" summed it up. And finally as the sun shines, you could only turn back and question......."Did it rain sometime back?????"

JOURNEY TO SAARANG!

"ya....Shuffle them!!"
A million card games, Countless arguments over rules, modifying them and spending hours discussing the previous games. You can say it is the biggest incentive to a train journey.

Hold on......thats it ah??????
How could you forget sleeping??
These train journeys are a little weird. When you realize the first two are completely exhausted the best thing that you could do is take a window seat and stare out. let you mind rant about arbit stuff!
Don't know how but i got this very weird thought at one point of time.
About the word "Sensitive"
Just think about this word for a minute.
Its often misunderstood or underestimated.
I guess......it has much more to offer.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.
T.S Eliot


I was about to step on it near our college canteen.......its eyes were not yet open.
took it to my room .....took decent care of it for about 4 days. Now its in an animal shelter in mangalore.
I miss "Semi Pro"!!
Yeah..................Thats what we called it!!!!:)

JUST A THOUGHT.........

Probably, a zillion bands have been formed, emerged as some played good music, some wanted to play good music and finally....some ended up playing crap........
But some how, in all this, nothing has been able to match the mid 70's and the 80's........every bloody genre was at its peak producing some of the best known bands!!!ok...probably some part of the early nineties....after that time.......we've hardly heard of bands emerging to create any solid impact around.......why??
Definitely "music" has not taken a dip.......thats for sure!!!