Friday, July 17, 2009

The Actor


Moments of distress had lead to this final moment of peace. He was free. He had been traveling a lot for a while but couldn't see places. Beaches, Lakes, Falls. Every place was scenic. But he was hung over long scripts, monologues, new roles, new films. He looked up.
8 years.
He had been acting for 8 years. Its a long time, but it seemed to have flown past with the time he had spent pretending to be different characters and personalities. Some were easy. He was able to relate to the character. All he would need to do is improvise and the lines would flow. But some were difficult. And he would work day and night trying to understand the character, imagining them, their gait.


Sigh.

It has been a tough journey. But, an eventful one.
But for some reason he was distraught for a while. Now, he was free. The whole world seemed to be open in front of him. He looked down at the falls. A cascade, rather. it was a perfect setting for one of those long drawn monologues. The ones which start without much intensity but slowly build momentum leaving the audience baffled.
He rehearsed his lines " Why has imagination become a synonym of style?"
Has it? May be not, everyone is free to imagine. And the perception of the imagination has always varied. Its stupidity to generalize.
"Did the line fit the context?", he wondered.
He was happy, there was a great waterfall and this line dint seem to match.
May be it was not a cascade. It dint matter.
The lines again " The imagination is not our escape. On the contrary, the imagination what we are trying to get to."
He flushed.
Zipped up.
Walked out.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Drink.
Location - Extreme Sports Bar.
Song- Elysian Fields (God Is an Astronaut)

Confused day at work, breezy evening, Balcony and Whiskey. The evening was settling in, traffic at the signal increasing and so were the number of people entering the place. Drink after work is good, usually conversations leading to nothing. Actually, none of us wanted to have a substantial conversation, especially after tiring day at work. I prefer small talk, any day.
I like the randomness in thinking when the 1st sip of whiskey goes down my throat. Settling, I must say. Just enough to pull you out of the routine.
And drinking with friends...
Always good.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Empty Cubicles


Song : Russia on Ice
Artist: Porcupine Tree

I couldn't concentrate on the screen. Not sure if anyone could, sitting in an empty hall working at 4 a.m in the morning.
Can't take it anymore. Time for a break.
I dint know what the issue was. I have often been asked this question. "So, do you like your job?"
The answer used to be rather spontaneous. "I guess, I don't know."
Many guys have quit jobs because they couldn't take the corporate nonsense. Not sure if could take it either. But you immediately start weighing your options. Is this logical? Am I being Rational?
You always wish you could do something leaving everyone around you think you are being foolhardy, but finally you pull it off, not necessarily leaving anyone astounded or accomplishing anything ground breaking.

At the end of it I have always been able to convince myself that somewhere down the line it makes sense to hold on for a while and do some hard thinking. And not just hard thinking, but also working towards it. I realized that when I went back to college for my convocation last week. Some were happy with their jobs, some weren't so they quit, some dint like their jobs but dint complain, some complained but it dint matter, some had no opinion. As much as all of us have revered our lives for the last 4 years, I guess it really does make sense to buckle up for a while just to find out if a venture is worth the effort.

Back to work. Not sure if I could see any difference in the cubicles. Its generally dead with everyone glued to their laptops. I guess it hardly matters if the chairs are empty or if someone is sitting on it for 8 hours a day.

Shit. 4:30 a.m. Work not done.

The new Year has changed quite a lot of things.
Work has gotten hectic and demanding.
Bus journeys have become quieter, leaving me searching for a nap or something I couldn't see.
I guess I will be able to.
Sometime.
I guess Sunshine does follow the Rain.
Shut my laptop.
Time to go home and grab some sleep.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Time

I looked at the watch-11:30p.m 2nd Jan2009 IST
I looked up.
Same as 1 p.m 2nd Jan 2009 US East Time.
I wish I could rewrite stuff.
Farm House

Suddenly, there comes a point when too much seems to be happening and I am not sure there is enough time to sit and fathom, analyze and understand, dream and just get oblivious to your surroundings. Or may be, even if you have enough time, you're not allowed to take it. That is how it works. Bhave told me its more important to live in the moment, cherish the moment rather than pushing yourself to wondering what would happen next. That is what I was always did, for how many ever years I have known myself. I dint do that for a while and it just seems like I lost most of myself. I get up everyday ruing what happened at that particular space of time. Some told me it was not worth it, some told me I was silly, and some told me I gave up easily. But, I had not given up, and may be I still thought it was worth it. But, I guess you have no rights to think that way until you answer questions that loom large, too perplexed to answer anything.
I had just put Bhave to sleep.May be a little too many drinks.
It was dark and cold outside.
I looked at the watch. Jan1st, 2:30 a.m.
It was a happy evening. It was indeed a happy evening.
Kashyap was sitting on the bench, eyes half closed. 5 minutes back he told me he was going to be the last man standing.
Music was good. Music is always good when we get together. That'll always stay.
2008 was a confused year. First half of the year was spent trying to hold back something that was about to pass and next half of the year went chasing something I dint know while still trying to hold on something that had already passed. So many things.

How did I fare?
I did a bad job. I did a terrible job.
Kashyap was on the ground. Always the 1st man down.
I lifted him and put him to sleep, next to bhave and came out. Fuck, He was become quite heavy since the last time I lifted him. I remember that night.25th june. My memory is pretty good.
I always thought I'd fare well, you know. I had absolutely no doubts about that.
Anand came to ask me what was had happened.
A strained smile. "Nothing", I answered as I looked away.
I promised I'll visit the U.S for his graduation.
I have always done a bad job of keeping in touch till now. Hm, a New Year Resolution, I guess.To keep in touch. A simple one.
Atleast Shanky and Kash are around with a few others. I'll try to keep this resolution going.
Bhave was feeling cold. I looked around, there was nothing to cover him.
My sweater?
I had decided that I would never give it to anyone. It meant a lot to me.
He was shivering.
I smiled. Took my sweater off and put it on him.
Switched off the lights and went to the hall. J was ready.
Mittal and Bahl were leaving.
"Dude, I hope you learn how to ride the bike in 2009", he said laughing.
He he. I will.
Time to forget what happened and what was going to happen. Time to be Happy.